These seven God-given human desires are written in every heart and are basic needs to our survival and flourishing.
to be seen and understood
to be chosen
to be affirmed
to be touched
to be safe
to be blessed
to be loved
When these basics are not met during our development,we have seen they then lead to false ideas about ourselves, thus creating a set of core beliefs that are carried through into our adult life with perceptions and expectations rooted in such wounds resulting in behaviors that come to affect our relationships – with others, God, and ourselves, and not in a positive way.
This leaves a restless desire, a yearning to heal such wounds; though we may not know where they evolved from, we know the pain. The pain so familiar becomes likened to a dimmed flashing warning beacon, an intermittent reminder we are faulty somehow. When such desires are not met in the present, we react from a jolt of grief stored up within those buried memories, thus becoming the driver of our perceptions and expectations leading to disappointments and reactive negative behaviors.
"Our lives are shaped by the things we desire."
"Our hearts are restless until they can find rest in you."
Augustine of Hippo
How do we bring this pain to God, who desires to heal us and is the only One who could fulfill those desires completely, when we are experiencing either shame* from sins upon us, or guilt from difficulty in forgiving or our reactive unintentional or intentional sins or upon others? Most of us have difficulty knowing what and why it is happening in us, no less trying to talk about it.
From sin, we experience shame from sin inflicted upon us; and guilt from our sin upon ourselves and others.
For it is a sin that begets more sin (sin is moving away from grace and love), lending a sense of endless hopelessness and despair if we dare to tell the truth of such fears. We desire to be heard by our God. He wants us to talk to him, and we desire Him to listen.
"I cried out to God for help. I cried out to God to hear me." Psalm 77: 1-2
"Give ear and come to me, hear me that your soul may live". Isaiah 55:33
We desire God to take away our pain without considering what caused it. We want to hide from it. A pain we do not even know how to express its depth and breadth, or even where it resides with us, or how it came to be. We want to be delivered from it, to be removed instantly without our effort, for we are tired, exhausted from those shadows we shun.
When God does not respond as we expect, we fall into a downward spiral with a cacophony of voices filling our minds about our unworthiness. We experience disappointment, frustration, doubt, grief, despair, and a loss of hope. Yet it is only God who could fulfill those unmet desires if we only let Him in His way.
Faith heals the intellect
Hope heals our memories
Love heals the will
We need to be reminded of the reality that began at our creation and continues in every moment of our existence. In being dreamt of and created by God we were chosen to be included in His human and Trinitarian family, touched by His breath, blessed with gifts, affirmed as good and faithful servants, and safely held in His arms. At the same time, He knitted us in our mother's womb and continues in every moment of our existence in loving us, for we have been seen and understood.
We were chosen, yes, we are still chosen, and we will be chosen for He continues to call.
Acknowledging there were unfulfilled human desires at critical times in our lives, either due to sins of intent or omission by others, and wounds that can become triggered in the present is the first step, even though we do not know yet what is behind the pain. It is to not run away from the pain.
God is already there, waiting to help; when we are open to trust by accepting there are wounds to be unbound, we are called to by a leap of faith.
Even with our free will to take the leap of trust, we may even experience fear of what will be expected of us – to forgive. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Yet how do we begin to forgive when those sins upon us have caused us such unbearable pain? And not knowing why we automatically react to certain things either by freezing or boiling with anger from something seemingly unrelated? As if one cannot find out way out, for we are locked in fear when triggered at the mere thought of looking into that abyss.
We need to speak the truth to God and take courage from His grace, especially when we are afraid and confused.
Healing: Walk with Jesus
It is in letting Jesus gently walk you through - holding your hands – as you step together into those hidden shadows that we have trembled to go alone. And rightly so, we should not go there alone.*
I will be with you always. Do not be afraid.